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Social intelligent or just a horrible person

When I used to think about someone with social intelligence, I tended to think about someone who was skilled in social situations. In other words; someone who used social skills to get what he wanted. During periods since the term Social Intelligence was first introduced, Social Intelligence has been seen like just logical intelligence but into use in social situations. As Daniel Goleman points out in his Social Intelligence, studies of the human mind and Neuroscience in particularly, this is far from the whole truth. A truly social intelligent person is an empathic person, who can truly connect to oneself and to others.

But what about my image of that shroud person? Well, he’s better part of what Goleman refers to a part of The Dark Triad. Three personality traits/profiles which might seem social adapt but are really not. Since true empathy is not part of the picture.

 

The narcissist

This is probably the most common type and many successful leaders have traits from this profile. The narcissist might not be aware of it, but he puts himself first, sees blame in everyone else. Narcissists puts too much value into themselves and sees themselves as superior others.

In a positive sense, a narcissist can bring onto great change and brings self esteem. But it’s a slippery slope to blind eye to one selves bad sides and down sides.

Daniel Goleman points to that narcissists as leaders can make organizations narcissistic, and one cannot help seeing the organization described in Jim Collins Why The Mighty Falls:

  • Hubris born of success
  • Undisciplined pursuit of more
  • Denial of risk and peril
  • Grasping for salvation
  • Capitulation to irrelevance or death
  •  

    The Mach

    The profile is named after Niccolo Machiavelli and his concept of The Prince. Here we have someone who on purpose uses social skills to get what he wants. This person strive against his goal and if someone gets in his way, this is collateral damage.

    Goleman does not discuss organizations being Machs, but sometimes when you read horrific stories about companies knowingly putting their staff and customers in peril, you cannot help wondering.

     

    The psychopath

    Furthest down on the ladder, we find the true psychopath. For this individual, people are just objects, which can be used or should just be removed. Where as a Mach might understand that he’s done something bad, the Psychopath does not recognize this. He cannot see a problem with his behavior.

     

    The bottom line

    What do you think is social intelligence? How would you feel, working for a company or a leader who is part of The Dark Triad? Would you know? Would you care?

    Since I’ve at least worked for narcissists and narcissistic organizations, I say that for me it was not worth it. To bring passion and your precious time to such an environment is just a waste. In hindsight, you might learn from it. I did, but the price you pay might be high.

    So, how do you build social intelligence? Well, Daniel Goleman points to an inner strength and true empathy as ground for social intelligence. In the short run, The Dark Triad might be successful, but in the long run, you alienate yourself. A bite of narcissism is probably necessary for success, but without that precious empathy true success will probably not be long lived. And you will probably be lonely in those precious moments of your life.

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